Ugh. Blop. Blop. Gulp.
My job is not the-glitz-and-the-glamor type. I don't get to wear wedges. My hair has to be inside a cap for some time. Make-up is not a requirement and inappropriate (if heavy) and close to impossible at times. I hear a lot of boy talk most of the time. I have to use my brain cells everyday, or squeeze more juice from them all the time. I always have to do it right the first time. Appraisals are under my expectations. Career growth seems so far away.
Time has been unfair. I spend half of the day at the office, an hour on the shuttle ride (to and from work). I spend all the days without my dogs. My mom. And the boyfriend. Saturday mornings are consumed for sleeping. Fridays are OT days. Some weekends are for travelling to my aunt's place. Cleaning up takes a portion of my home time.
Writing has been a privilege. Technicalities have engulfed the creative me. I'm drained when I arrive at home and weekends make me crave for rest, thus creativity loses its spark. Instead of curling up with a good book, I end up joggling schematic diagrams, overlooking the layout design, worrying about my timeline and dealing with other, well, engineers.
There's nobody to: drag to the moviehouse, eat at a resto with, head to the fancy places in the area, cuddle in the sofa with, rant every ugly thing that happened to me during the day to, goof around with, talk about witty stuff with, petty fight with, explore great places with, walk the dogs with. In short, he's living his life in another dimension.
When I go home, no paws touch my hand. My dogs are ageing and they're not with me. Stress has been mightier without them. My love bank has remained empty.
And money. Yes, it drains fast. And to think that I have a job. I've been working for a year now and I haven't bought a new phone. Don't know where they go, but I think they've been on the hands/abode of those who need them/those that need to contain them.
Yes, the life that I have now is far from what I want. Doubts and disappointments are coming straight ahead. How unfortunate of me to have discovered my passion so late, to have identified my priorities and ignored them, to have let people decide freely for themselves, to have myself caged by me.
I just want a job that I want, write and establish my readers, my loved ones by my side and a simple life. Oh yeah, and get famous as a writer, while earning online by the side.
If there's one thing that I would want to teach my children, it would be:
Find your passion and make a living and a life out of it.
